Invisible Scars
by DJ DANDY
Summary: After the last case is solved, Hailey Upton is forced to come to terms with her past traumas and face her demons head on. *Set about a week after 7x16* Some #Upstead and #Halsteadbros Warning: References Domestic Abuse (Disclaimer: I don't own these characters.)
1. Chapter 1

_C_hapter 1.

(Hello guys my names DJ, let me know if you're enjoying the story, leave a comment or DM me, whether it's constructive criticism or appreciation. I love it all. I love you all. Enjoy the story! #Happyreading

_(I said I wanted steak for dinner not chicken! Are you dumb or stupid?! You can't do anything right! *__**Punch**__* I *__**punch* **__oughta' __***punch* **__kill __***punch***_ _you! Right in front of the kids and make them watch! __***kick*. **_GET OVER HERE NOW! ***clash*.**

Hailey grips the thin cotton sheets covering her bed as the crackle of thunder jolts her upright. Her shaking knuckles are almost white and she can feel the shambling weight of anxiousness hovering.

_It's not real, It's not real, he's not real. _

She repeatedly whispers the words over and over until she could actually believe them.

She drags out a long breath and sinks her face into her palms, sighing.

Her Nightmares hadn't been this bad in a while. She knew she'd seen things, experienced things that stuck with her. Heck, just being a cop came with its difficulties.  
She'd just kept telling herself that the nightmares were just a part of it all, a part of her now. Lately, it had become somewhat like a daily routine. Wake up, brush teeth, shower, work, nightmare. Not always in that particular order, either.

After reassuring herself she pops two pain pills and she's sleeping again.

That is until the booming thunder wakes her up once more. This time it was louder, closer and more intimate than before.

Now she can't even manage to sit up. It was like a heavy weight was pressing down on her. She was helpless, paralyzed, literally frozen with fear.

As the tears stream down her unmoving face, she takes a deep breath and tries another method.

_Okay Hailey. _She says in her head.

_What do I hear?_

_What do I smell?_

_What do I feel?_

She could hear the stray dogs barking in the alley. She could smell the fresh earthly rain before a heavy downpour. She could feel the soft cool blankets beneath her palms.

Lastly, what could she _see_?

She always struggled with this one. Her eyes never wanted to cooperate. Through the darkness of her lids, all she could see is her father hovering over her, cigar in the right hand, belt in the left.

_Wake up Hailey! It's not real! You're dreaming! _She screams in her head.

In an instant her eyes shoot open and she yanks herself backwards to lie flat on her back. Breathing hard, She runs her fingers over her sweat covered takes a moment but slowly she could feel the numbing sensation subside. Shes relaxes as the relief of reality washes over her.

It was a tip she learned in therapy when she was younger. The therapist called it 'sensational grounding.' It calmed her and established her surroundings.

She didn't live inside of the nightmare.

"It wasn't real." She mumbles to herself, "he wasn't real".

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

It was now seven A.M and Hailey hadn't been back to sleep yet. She sits on the couch soundlessly, listening to the heavy rain patter against the windows.

Just as she's about to close her eyes a hard knock on her door instantly makes her jump. Seconds go by and the knocking gets more intense.

"Hold on." She mutters, making her way over to the door.

She's stopped dead in her tracks when she sees the knob start to rotate on its own.

Taking a few steps back, she grabs her taser, preparing herself for whoever was on the other side of the door.

It creaks, slowly opening.

"Hailey?"

She knew that voice. He peeks his head from behind the door.

"Hey."

"Why didn't you answer? I've been knocking for like five minutes." He casually tucks her spare she'd given him back into his pocket.

"Hey Jay." She doesn't even think to answer his question.

When he sees the distressed look on her face he immediately starts to apologize, "Hey, I tried to knock-," he looks back at the door.

"I know I heard you."

His eyebrows rise,"Why didn't you answer it?"

"I was in bed Jay," she folds her arms, "what do you want?" That last question came out way more aggressive than she intended.

He nods, willingly taking it, knowing he's done it to her way too many times to count.

"What'd you forget?"

Hailey gives him a quizzical look.

He can sense her confusion.

"Bears tickets, great seats….won em' in a raffle," he rambles on.

"Oh yea," she runs her fingers through her hair,"Let me get ready."

She lightly placed the taser on the coffee table.

His eyes move from the device to her, "You okay?"

"I'm fine."

" You sure?"He took a step forward and she retreats.

"Jay, I'm good, just stay there," she flashes her palms, "make yourself comfortable."

He takes a seat on the couch, watching her make her way to her room.

He was concerned. He knew his partner through and through. Something was definitely off with her today.

(Whatd you guys think? Let me know! Stay tuned for chapter 2!)


	2. Chapter 2

(Hope you guys enjoy! Let me know whatcha' think!)

Chapter 2.

He tries to put the clues together.

Her eyes were bloodshot red, her hair was frazzled and she looked downright exhausted. It was a huge contrast to her tidy, neat and energized normal.

It could've been anything to upset her, an ex boyfriend, family or even friends.

If she needed support, he'd be there for her.

They'd had a whole game to talk about it.

Well…...halftime and the drive back home. He wasn't going to miss this game for anything.

He chuckles just thinking about it.

Over his laughing he can hear a loud bang coming from the bathroom.

He quickly turns the t.v down.

"Hailey?" He says, while channel surfing.

"Hailey?" He calls it out even louder now.

"Don't make us late for this game," He starts to walk towards her room, " If you do, I'll have to drive fast. You know how much you hate it."

He covers his eyes with his palm, "Plus I just got her detailed. I can't have you puking in the truck."

With closed eyes he feels around for direction but pauses when he hears sobbing.

"Hailey?" He whispers, stepping into the steamy bathroom.

"I swear I'm not looking," he was serious now, the detective in him coming to life,"Hey, call out, are you okay?"

The sound of his boot crackling under broken glass stops him.

That's when he sees her.

She sat in a small pool of water, tiny raindrops of blood rolling off of her.

"Hailey. You're bleeding."

He grabs a nearby towel, immediately draping it over her.

She doesn't even register his presence. She just blankly stares at the shower.

"Hailey."

No answer.

He lifts her up into his arms and sits her on the bed. He then shakes her a little."Hailey. Where's the blood coming from?"

He gently shakes her again, kneeling before her, "Hey."

He sighs, "Okay Hailey, I need to see where you were cut. I'll be quick. I promise."

He looks her over. scanning any area that may have been punctured . He keeps the towel tight, refusing to expose her anymore than she already had been.

"Will you be okay while I search for the first-aid?"

Still nothing.

He gingerly picks her up once more and places her at the foot of the bed. He didn't want her to fall while gone.

When he returns she remains a statue, never moving from the place he positioned her in.

If anything this would wake her up. It had to, he thought. It was never a pleasant feeling, for anybody.

He carefully probes her bloodied foot, anchoring the tweezers in and out to remove the embedded glass fragments.

Every so often he looks at her face to make sure she's okay and he tries his best to comfort her.

"Hailey."

It was useless. She still wouldn't respond.

He pulls out his phone and quickly dials Wills number.

"You've reached the answering machine of Doctor William Halstead, sorry I was unavailable to take your call. Please leave your name, number and message after the beep."

***Beep***

"Will I need you to call me, it's Hailey. She's messed up pretty bad. I don't know what to do. Just give me a call back."

He hangs up.

"Come on Hailey. I don't want to take you to the hospital but I will."

Just then his phone vibrates in his pocket.

"Will."

"Hey, sorry I missed your call Jay . What's up? Wait a minute, aren't you supposed to be at that game-"

"Will something's wrong with Hailey. I don't know what to do I-"

"Okay, okay, calm down and breathe, tell me what happened."

Jay carefully explains the story, not leaving anything out.

"What are her vitals Jay, she have a pulse?"

"Vitals," he nods slowly, "okay."

He had done this a million times in the field, whether it was a suspect or victim. It should never be this hard, but the woman before him was neither, this was Hailey.

He could easily make something go from bad to far worse.

"Will! Will!" He shouts into the phone, "I can't find a pulse in her neck! Wha- what do I do!"

Will can immediately sense the discomfort and panic in his brother's voice.

"Jay." He levels his tone to ease him, "She's going to be okay. We got her. If you can't find it in the neck, try the inner arm or wrist. She's not passed out, is she?"

"No."

"Your hands may not be in the right place and you're nervous, you have to calm down."

Jay takes a few good breaths, " Okay, I'm calm."

"Good, you remember how to do it in the inner arm right, Just like I taught you."

"Okay, checking pulse now. His shaky yet firm fingers press on her inner arm until he can feel a constant throb, "Okay counting the pulse for sixty seconds."

"Or?" Will questions.

"Or the beats for fifteen seconds and multiplying by four."

Will now remains silent, letting his brother proceed.

"One, two,three.."

He can feel a weak tug on his shirt, "I'm fine Jay." Her small voice cracked.

His widening eyes immediately flip to her.

"Hailey."

"I'm good."

"Will! She's good, she's alert."

"Okay that's good. Just keep an eye on her until I can get there. Can you do that? I'll be over in about fifteen to twenty minutes. Call me back immediately if anything changes."

"Okay." He hangs up, turning his attention back to Hailey, "are you sure you're okay?" He asks her.

"Yeah," she nods, assuringly, "thanks for taking care of me, but I'm good now. You can probably still make the second quarter, if you hurry."

She tries to get up but he firmly takes hold of her ankle.

She hisses, "Oww".

"Hailey I'm not going anywhere and neither are you," he points to the ground, " sit."

She does as she's told, planting herself back into position.

"Has that ever happened to you before?"

She looks away, "I don't want to talk about it."

"Hailey."

"No, Jay stop. All those times I ask you to talk about it and what do you tell me?"

She had him dead to rights. He was speechless for the moment. There had been times where he wanted her to drop it and she did. So why couldn't he let this go?

"But that's different-"

"No it's not, I can handle this. It's not a big deal."

"You have glass in your foot. You wouldn't speak for minutes and you're going to tell me you're okay?"

She drops her head back against the bed, "Jay believe whatever you want to, do what you need to do, so you can go."

There was that temperament again.

"I told you, I'm not going anywhere." He says.

"Then we'll be sitting here all day."

"Fine by me." He shrugs, "I've got nothing better to do"

Ten minutes passes and she can't take the silence anymore. The sound of the rain blankets the entire room.

"Jay will you let go of me and just go home?"

"Hailey, will you just talk to me, please?" He counters.

She shakes her head.

"I won't talk, I'll just listen. You know nothing will ever leave this room."

She looks at him, hesitant to speak, "It's not that. Jay if I talk I'm afraid you'll look at me differently." Sadness shows in her eyes.

"Hailey whatever it is, I'm here to listen. I just want to know what happened between yesterday night and this morning. You seemed fine."

"Some cases bring up bad memories Jay , that's all. You know that."

"I get it, your parents."

"The nightmares feel so real at times. Then the thunderstorm happened….. it just worked me up a little."

"How?"

She stares into space, "Every time it thunders, it just reminds me of him, his fist connecting with my mom's skull. The loud bangs and yelling, the dishes breaking."

She shakes her head, shivering and he grabs a blanket to throw over her shoulders.

"Hailey did he ever-" he stops after seeing her face.

Her head hung lower now, if that were even possible.

"A couple times. I didn't want my mother and brother to take the brunt of it. One more hit and could've killed her. So I just bared down, ya' know, braced myself for the worst."

"I'm sorry-"

"Don't Jay, Just…..don't," she sighs, "I don't need your pity. I'm not some damsel in distress."

"It's not pity Hailey. You're brave. I knew that from the moment I met you. Not many people could do that."

"What some people call brave, some people would call stupid." She smiles with glassy eyes.

He was confused, " why would they call you that?"

She drags out a breath, " After high school, I wanted to explore the world, go to college and live my life like a normal person. So I moved to New York and I did that. Met a guy named Greg, biology major." She rolls her eyes, reminiscing, "He seemed nice, had a little temper but I was willing to look past it. Truth is he hurt me worse than my father ever could. It wasn't just a physical thing," she shakes her head, "it was

mental, psychological ."

Jays a little tense but he doesn't interfere. He promised to listen.

"I still remember the time he hit me, two stitches right here." She points to her lip, "the second time he hit me, I could taste the blood in my mouth for a week." She smiles, "What did it matter though? I loved him, so I stayed. All those years of judging my mom Jay and I stayed."

He nods, "When did you decide to leave?"

"When I ended up in the hospital for the third time in one month." She quickly wipes a stray tear away, clearing her throat, " Ya' know…... I used to wonder what made these men see me and want to beat me. Did they hate me? What did I do to deserve it and _did I deserve it?"_

That last question shook him to his core.

"When we worked the case with Booth?"

"Yeah he brought back memories too. For a moment there I began to normalize it."

She shrugs, "him just being another guy who wanted to hit me."

(What'd you guys think!)


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Hey guys sorry for the slow update! I just started school again OL :( and had a lot on my plate.

(Sidenote: in a world of crazy and show/production delays, I'm happy we have fan fiction!)

Enjoy Chapter 3, the last chapter of my fic! #Happyreading

After hearing her speak, Jay holds her ankle a little tighter now. Her words and body language struck him like a chord, making him want to alleviate all her fears.

Her eyes were fixated on the white wall before them, never once turning to him when speaking. She was hunched over as much as possible, hands on either side of her.

Right now she was in a blend of emotions. Anxiety mixed with sadness and sadness stewed with embarrassment. He knew the feeling, the look, he'd seen it in the mirror too many times.

Guilt slowly started to eat at him.

He'd wish he could do that thing that she did.

In this moment he craved to be there for her like she had always been for him.

A few words, heeding ears, a _look_.

That was all it took and he would instantly feel her warmth.

His mind was racing.

He wanted to hold her, soothe her, mentally and physically.

It was evident.

This wasn't something she had been dealing with recently. She'd been fighting this for a long time all on her own.

"So there it is Jay," her voice peaks, "my facade. I'm not always the strong Hailey you see at the twenty-first everyday. This is the real me." The bough breaks and the tears flow uncontrollably now.

Jay takes it all in for a moment, he can't take his eyes off her tear-stricken face. He had never seen his partner so broken yet so strong.

"Hailey, I could never see you as anything else. You are strong," He makes his booming voice heard, "I've gotten through a lot. None of it without your help."

"Yeah," she sniffs, " but that's war Jay, overseas. This is domestic, half of it was my fault."

He takes her chin in his hand, demanding her to look up at him.

"It was never your fault Hailey," he sternly tells her, "It'll never be your fault ."

She forcefully pulls her chin away, immediately parting from his hands.

"But what about when it is Jay? What about when they go back? Huh? When I went back!"

She screams now, chest heaving heavily up and down.

He searches her eyes. Honestly, he didn't have all the answers.

Guilt reared it ugly head again, making him feel utterly and completely useless. As wordless moments pass and quietness blankets the room she can sense this. He had no idea how to help her.

"Jay I'm sorry. Just go, okay. You shouldn't have to deal with this, it's not fair to you."

"Hailey-"

"I'll be fine," she wipes her tears away, quickly, "I Always am."

Before she can get a chance to move he starts to speak.

"Look, when I was in therapy, I had always tried to downplay my ptsd."

This halts her. He would never go into detail about his own demons.

"Even being a soldier. I had always felt as if my trauma wasn't as bad as others. I mean, Yea, I survived Iraq but I still had all my ligaments attached, I had a family to come home to. It wasn't as bad as others."

While he's talking, he can feel her breathing pattern slow and for the moment she's relaxed.

"She told me that it was one of the typical side effects of trauma."

"What is?" She briefly lifts her head.

"To make you believe that you're unworthy of care."

She shifts so her head can rest on his shoulder. He takes note, automatically repositioning himself for her comfort.

"Hailey it's okay to be not okay. You're always strong for everyone else, especially me. Now it's your turn."

She's about to rebuttal but he continues on, " I may have been in a war overseas but you had a war in your own home and it's something you've been carrying with you in your mind ever since. Everyone who experiences trauma deserves to get the care and help the need to heal. No one can judge you for what you did. We don't know what it's like to walk in your shoes, we never will."

Minutes pass before either speak.

"Thank you." Her eyes flutter.

"Always."

She was in a deep sleep now and just as Jay was on his way too, her bedroom door swung wide open.

"Sorry the front door was open."

"Shhh." Jay motions for Will to quiet down as he points to a sleeping Hailey on his shoulder.

("Sorry.") He mouths soundlessly.

Will crouches to get a closer look at Hailey.

"Jay I need you to move."

He tries to move but unknowingly and subconsciously she pulls him closer.

" Jay," she mumbles sleepily.

He looks down at her and then back at Will.

"It's okay I can do it with you two attached." Will whispers. He grins childishly from ear to ear at the two, as he adjusts his stethoscope.

"You kids are too cute." He says.

Jays about to counter but Hailey stirs, taking his full attention back to her.

He realizes that for the first time he can see Her.

He could see her resolve and resilience.

He could see all those invisible scars that made her who she was.

He would be the one to remind her that she would always be stronger than what caused them.

The End.

Thanks for reading my story! Did you guys enjoy it? Let me know!


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